no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My hand turned me down
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
