ya dads aren't the best wingmen
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
