when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
