my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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