He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
