My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
When are your genitals available?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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