Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
