you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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