Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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