My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
