Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
