Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
