My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
where are my pants?
in the oven.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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