It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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