if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
