May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
