i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
