Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
