someone get that fucking seahorse.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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