and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
