I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
