OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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