Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
