My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
