I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
bring money and cleavage
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
