your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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