You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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