Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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