Im at strip club and am horny
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
