My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
