She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
