You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Randomize
