she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
