I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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