She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
