Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I want her autograph on my taint
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
