im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
