she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
