I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize