considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
