Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
