Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
