It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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