i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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