did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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