i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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