just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize