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She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
