Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
