Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
