I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
