I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
