Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
