You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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