after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
