please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
