A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I am in a vortex of obligation.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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