I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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