you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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