Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
