She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
