wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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