Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
