I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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