saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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