he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
