it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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