You can't motorboat a personality
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
