he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
