This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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