My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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