Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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