So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
