I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize