Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
