I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
