We're facebook friends in real life
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
