god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize