I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
