FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
